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We also went to my GP who agreed that I had all the classic signs of post-natal depression and started me on an antidepressant. He’d tell me this over and over, especially in the middle of the night and early mornings, which were the hardest times. The truth is that God is in control and you’ll get through this. He said feelings are strong but they’re just that-feelings-they’re not the truth. Because he has had his own battle with depression, he was experienced and practiced with the weapons I lacked. And still I’m thinking, ‘How is this me?’ The Path to HealingĬhris was my rock during all this. And, as awful as this fear was, there was also a part of me that wanted that, because then it would mean that I was absolved of responsibility. I was truly worried that I might stay depressed and non-coping forever. The only person that could be right there with me was Jesus, and even though I was still terrified, it was a comfort to know he was holding my hand and walking through the dark with me. It was the darkest, bleakest, most terrible place I have ever been, and I hope I never go back there again. I can’t overstate how scared I was through all this. I leaned heavily on everyone because I really had no strength of my own. I kept saying through the tears, ‘I can’t believe this is me!’ I’d never before faced a situation where I couldn’t cope fairly well, but I had no tools in my toolbox to get me out of the deep pit I suddenly found myself in.ĭuring all this, my husband, along with my parents all put their own lives on hold and gathered around to support me. Half the battle was aligning the two realities in my head: that this desperate, helpless, pitiful, weeping woman who OBVIOUSLY had post-natal depression … was me! But it soon became pretty clear that this was more than just tiredness. Part of me didn’t want to face up to what was going on, so I put it down to being over-tired. So these very dark, very strong feelings were new for me. I don’t have any trouble seeing the brighter side of life. But when Milla was around six weeks old I found myself feeling increasingly overwhelmed and anxious.Īfter wanting this so much for so long, I now felt overwhelmed by the permanence of this baby, uncomfortably aware that this was forever and that there was no getting out of this motherhood thing. Initially, Chris and I were on an absolute high. But time passed and things continued to go well. When we were right on the brink of beginning fertility treatment, low and behold, a positive pregnancy test! We didn’t want to get too excited as I’d previously had a miscarriage. The Sovereign Lord is my strength.’ We’re Having a Baby! ‘Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls’-and, I would add, no child in our home-‘yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Saviour. But God was with us, which didn’t exactly make it easier, but God did finally bring me to a place where I was able to agree with the writer of the book of Habakkuk, who says (Habakkuk 3:17–18): We had tests, but despite all results coming back normal we were unable to conceive. I’m married to my best friend, Chris.Ĭhris and I always planned to have children, but for a while this was not looking possible. I first asked Jesus to be my Saviour when I was five and I’ve had a constant relationship with him since.
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I was brought up in a Christian home and attend The Salvation Army in Whangarei. Moral and Social Issues Council (MASIC).Research & Policy Te Rangahau me ngā Kaupapa Here.News & Events Ngā Rongo Kōrero me ngā Rā Nunui.
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